The Art of Managing Children’s Temper Tantrums
Every parent has been there: a young child screaming, crying, stomping their feet on the ground, maybe refusing any attempt to calm them down. A tantrum might look “annoying” or even “embarrassing” in front of others, but in reality, it’s more of a message from the child’s brain than a deliberate act of defiance.
Why do tantrums happen? (From a neuroscience perspective)
A child’s brain in the preschool years is still developing. The part responsible for regulating emotions (the prefrontal cortex) is not yet mature, while the part responsible for immediate emotional reactions (the amygdala) is highly active.
In other words, children feel their emotions with full intensity but don’t yet have the neurological or linguistic tools to express or control them. That’s why feelings of fatigue, hunger, frustration, or deprivation can quickly turn into a tantrum.
How can parents respond in a way that doesn’t harm the child or drain themselves?
- Accept that anger is normal: A tantrum is not evidence of “bad parenting,” but a sign that the child’s brain is practicing emotional regulation.
- Stay calm before intervening: Meeting a tantrum with shouting or threats only escalates it. What matters most is for the parent to stay calm, serving as a mirror of safety for the child.
- Avoid physical punishment or ridicule: These methods may silence the child temporarily, but they plant fear and emotional wounds, preventing the child from learning how to handle their feelings.
Calming techniques suitable for preschool age
- Gentle physical containment: Sometimes, a steady, calm hug is all it takes for a child to feel secure.
- Labeling emotions: Saying something like, “You’re upset because the toy is gone” helps the child connect the feeling with a word.
- Simple choices: Instead of saying “Stop crying,” try: “Do you want some water or to sit next to me for a minute?”Giving two simple options gives the child a sense of control.
- Routine and prevention: Most tantrums are triggered by fatigue or hunger. A consistent routine for meals and sleep greatly reduces their frequency.
A final message for parents
A tantrum is not a test of your patience—it’s a moment for your child to test their sense of safety with you. Every time you respond with calm and empathy, you help your child’s growing brain build inner bridges of regulation and balance. The chaos will pass, but the positive emotional impact will last for years to come.
